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divorced's Journal

History

29th September 2002

8:04am: vulgar. nothing in particular. gummi bear porn?
"I am the sun and the air."

"You shut your mouth, how can you say, I go about things the wrong way?"


Blank. I draw a blank. Yet I could not say my mood was blank because the blank I have drawn is a dark one. One I know well, but I will choose to ignore it and resort to stress. No glee for me.

"So you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home and you cry and you want to die."

I remember once I wrote Joseph an email with lyrics to that song in it...it was all I could do to show him what I was feeling. I remember he wrote back frantically, "hey is everything going ok or mmmm. The email was a few songs right. Kind of agree so is that how you are right now. well I'm not sure what to say. " I just read over a lot of our old emails, dating back months and months...back to when we were good. It hurts me to read those, because it reminds me of the old him. The silly drama we had. Him judging me, me judging myself...trouble it is to fall in love with one who wants something different.


"How can they look into my eyes and still they don't believe me."

I am the boy with the thorn in his side. "How can they see the love in our eyes and still they don't believe us?"



I am tired and I have to go to work at A Shangri La now. I am really dark right now, the light is coming up but all I see is the night. I miss the idea of forever. Being with one person seems like such a wonderful thing, finding that person seems like a lost cause.



How was your night?
Where did you go?
I do not think I saw you at the show.
If I were to put a measuring tape to your head, what would it say?
come to my bed.

"Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking"
Current Mood: depressed
6:56pm: and a cross around my neck
Gibby has my Portishead CD. If anyone should see him, tell him...and tell him to give it back.
Sharing is death.
Oh, and my cds that I let Ashley borrow are in Ian's mom's car. So that is also bad.
Forgetting things is death.


Ahhh.


I went down my street and went to a activist market-ness with revolution-ish things. I bought something. A shirt, it says peace, and I like it. It smells like hippie and it has blue paint within.
I just saw a little volvo for sale on my street. It is perfect for me, but where will I get 2,150 dollars...
Current Mood: mellow
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