September 27th, 2002

.around you, everybody acts like nothing's changed. around you.

Forget things.
I can not just forget things.
Some times I become in love with everyone, unable to grasp distance of the heart.
Sometimes, I just can not breathe well.
The air here is not good.
It is used.
I feel like when I take it in I am taking all of them with me.
Their sorrows, their stress...their broken hearts.
I can not take this air anymore.
So much has changed since I went to sleep.
A new day has come.
And though I still dream of seeing you, when I am walking to school...
The thought is just a dream.
The tears have never flowed for you.
I am sure they would, if I were to let them.
But in moments like this one, where this is no air and the children are crying...
I am ok being here alone.
I will always walk as one.
Though surrounded, my soul stands alone.
I dreamed of someone standing with my soul, being with me.
But those thoughts pass me.
Those I feel and see as perfect for such a place...taken...broken.
Where is there someone who just wants to fall in love?
They all say that is what they want, but if it was...
we would all be in love.
You know?
You want to fall in love?
You say you do?
Then close your eyes, and let's fall.

here I am, here I go.

Let me break this thing done for you for me...this thing that has turned itself into a drama.
It is not that these "three" are losing touch or are too busy.
It is just that some of them would rather hang out with others, you know?
I do not know.
Zoe and I are both the same.
Like we are very into intense, almost clingy, friendship or nothing.
We both hate that in between stage.
I just do not know.
I need, or prefer, to have a best friend that I am always with.
Not to belong to some group.
I do not like to hang out in groups really.
Except when it is with my little SR kids.
That is cool.
I guess I just like one on one.
That intense closeness.
Which, do not worry, could never be lost.

ps. Ashley you look more and more lovely every day.