September 5th, 2002

I don't want to hear it Sam, I can't hear it anymore. I am shutting my door, come in and be quick.

Let me go crazy on you.

Last night, as I ducked my head under the white pillow, a bitch teen rebel wanna-be oi punk kid broke in our front window on the car. When we actually lived in the ghetto we had no problems, now we live in the bling bling and we get this?

Life freaks me out.

Crazy on you.

I just tried that drink Moxie. It is sick. As in bad. It tastes fine but the after taste is like poison. Ill.

My ladies have little dates for a dance but I do not know what to bring. I suppose I could just grab a pal and hussle on the tile but I think I might want to waltz upon the broken fog with a boy like you. What do you think? Can you do the hussle? The shuffle? Can you get jiggy with it?

Na na na na na.

I miss Nina, right when I find her she runs away. Hi Nina, I hope your imac is home now.

I miss bread wanting boy, the flower is home, soon he will be too.

I miss it all.
I miss love.
The idea of it.
The falsity of the idea of it.
  • Current Music
    NIN, Cardigans...piano and saw music

Crying just means the blood will follow the tears.

I feel evil.
I feel like someone who is terribly bad.
But I can not see why.
I think I feel evil on account of the horrible coincidence of mind and heart set.
I read and see a someone who hurts the same as me, a girl with a heart broken, made again for a boy.

I think I feel evil because I let myself fall for someone who was already fallen for.
It is as if I went back upon some oath, some fawn oath.
A promise made to not fall for anyone fallen for by another like myself.
A girl in love with love.
Someone made for it.

I am sorry you classic beauty.
I am sorry if I made you worry.
I am sorry if I made you tighten your grip.
I am no threat.

I could be assuming, assuming someone would worry about me. Or bother with me.

I am sure I am assuming, and I am wrong.

But I want you to know, I would never try to hurt you. I never meant to make you dislike me. I mean my smile.

But I also want to say, I can not stop the falling after I have already jumped.
I will stop the pursuit, I am no cat, I will stop it because I think my dream has already been caught. By you.

Before i had a chance to open my mouth for a hello. Oh the shy grace is death to me now. I miss my chances. I spoil romance. I wish I had spoken up. But I suppose if I did I would not be able to talk myself into thinking the dream is really not that great. But I know he is.

If you wish I will run away.
No matter how fitting we are.
You can take your own dream, have him.
I have had no control from the start.
This fog appeared around me and the flame was sparked when I had my eyes closed.

This needed to be said again. There is death and life on my lettuce.

I hear the girl again, this time she is calling for me to save her but I can not see where she is coming from. I am so scared, for her, for me, for the fact that I am letting my heart be taken over by my mind.

like a boy, who around I turn mute.
But I am scared and angry because you like him too.

Watch out, my bite comes after the bow.
Watch out, I will just kick myself later.

Mine as well try to seduce you; if all else fails you will get a good laugh.


It is sick that this is like my fourth entry today but it must be said.
I just did the most amazing thing while avoiding homework.
I wrote a letter, with a very special thing, things, yes. It is a secret.
But wow. I amaze myself.
Actually no.
The letter should make sense.
I can translate it to say what I mean, but it sounds good.
Bennett said it would be recieved as either cute or crazy.
I suppose the idea of it is crazy and the thought of it is cute.
Not really, I think it is just insane.