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divorced's Journal

History

31st July 2002

10:03am: Catch
Yes I know who you remind me of
A girl I think I used to know
Yes I'd see her when the day got colder
On those days when it felt like snow
You know I even think that she stared like you
She used to just stand there and stare
And roll her eyes right up to heaven
And make like I just wasn't there
And she used to fall down a lot
That girl was always falling
Again and again
And I used to sometimes try to catch her
But I never even caught her name
And sometimes we would spend the night
Just rolling about on a floor
And I remember
Even though it felt soft at the time
I always used to wake up sore
You know I even think that she smiled like you
She used to just stand there and smile
And her eyes would go all sort of far away
And stay like that for quite a while
And I remember she used to fall down a lot
That girl was always falling
Again and again
And I used to sometimes try to catch her
But I never even caught her name
Yes I sometimes even tried to catch her
But I never even caught her name
Current Mood: crushed
11:15am: Soo happy, so hopeful, lift me up again my little pixie!
Gosh, I am so mad about you it is sick.

I really hope.


please please please let me get what I want....Lord knows it would be the first time.
Current Mood: happy
11:39pm: cut my heart out with a bloody fucking knife, hate me more and I will kill myself.
I want to cut my fucking face off.
I can not stand to see it like this.
Tears.
For what?
For you?


If it were not for Pete I would have cried. I would have cried for you. I have cried about once for a boy, I was crying for you.




Lord knows.




Hate, surging through my body, my bones ache. My heart, so full before, is empty and broken. I think I hate you dear, I think I love to hate you. I wish I was able to love you. But you manage to fuck me up more than I ever thought possible.





What the fuck is the matter with you???????? You know one thing about girls, how to break them, how to make them empty. Tears. Please, I have tears. I am a young girl with shiny hair, sitting at my desk, almost 12 am, alone, and broken over someone like you. Why is that?







Answer me this: Why did you choose to roll in the gutter with her instead of holding my hand?







If you really wanted me, you would have come after me, you would have been with me, you would have held me. I would have let you. But instead you treat me like trash, left alone. Thank god for my friends, they lift me up when you leave me on the ground. You think I came for fun? I came for you. I think...I think I can leave now.




Leave the world. I will leave here, a girl broken so many times you can not see where she begins and where she ends.




Give me a reason to stay. Say you are sorry and I am more to you than the gutter girl who wanted to fuck you. I hate.
Current Mood: Dead.
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