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divorced's Journal

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27th July 2002

12:22am: I might be a rock.
I am talking to this boy on aim who found me on MOC because I was the only girl who had dungeons and dragons as an interest. That makes me a dork. But we are so made for each other, except he is in Boston.






I had a dream, a day one, about you today. I bought a dress for homecoming. I am such a dork. I do not want to go but I want to wear this fucking dress. It fits me like a glove. I want to take you. You will wear your camel sweater. We will match. You must be my date. I will tell you all about it if you come to the show Sat. night at the Phoenix. Love you madly, Kaila
11:25am: I have problems.
Why would I want bread wanting boy to be in love with me? I can't be with him, and I do not really want to. I just miss him and it still hurts that he is away and with other women. I have no idea why, I suppose it should. I am very lost. But I dreamt of the matching clothes. And of this beautiful being in a weird dream. The D&D boy rocks. I love that game, it is a way of life. Wow, I have mask on because for some reason, my face is very angry at me. I might be very ugly tonight, so beware.



K.
Current Mood: lonely
11:31am: sssssssh
I do not know if it is possible for me to hate you...but I do.
I do know that you do not deserve me.
When did you show me that you cared?
Then you must not.


I am so sick of men, it is such a waste, of time and energy.




I do not think I asked for that much.
11:51am: I would chop off your hand if you stopped clapping.

Which John Cusack Are You?






If I was not so afraid of death I would have no problem.
Current Mood: amused
12:00pm: oh gosh the irony the irony.......
"Been trying to meet you. Hey! Must be a devil between us or whores in my head...whore in my bed. But hey, where have you been? If you go, I will surely die. We are chained." Pixies.




I think my life is so funny. It is in such shambles. I have managed to make myself the friend/romantic advice giver of a man that I am so overly interested in it is not funny. I mean it has been awhile since I have told someone I liked them. They usually bring it up in the whole "well what do you want?" conversation. I mean, he must not be interested. I thought he was. I thought so awhile ago. I am so worried. I do not know what to do with myself. I do not know what to do to keep him. I lost him once for a little while, but it was a pain. I have no idea what I am talking about.


I know I need to make it clear that I want to be more than friends and that I can not help with the love life. I mean I think it is trouble for me to hear about who my crush digs when it is not me. I think I would cut off my foot if I had to hear about that again. Both maybe. But what do I get? Do I get what I want? No. I really would like to date him, I thought he wanted to date as well. But I do not think he wants me. Oh well. That is trouble to my heart. I wish he knew. But then again I do not, because I fear he wont love me. What do you think? Help me capture George. My friends say he would like me, but what else are they to say? I need help, more so I need him. I want to kiss him and hold his hand and take him to homecoming so we can dance with head phones on to our music. And when you see this, know it is about you. Know that, and be happy.
Current Mood: weird
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