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divorced's Journal

History

25th July 2002

11:49am: Mr. George
I like you a lot. I have for awhile now. But I do not know about you.
You are worth wait and pain but still I think.
I think too much sure, but why not?
If I do not understand where you stand then what am I to do?
Where am I to go?
This thing is flowing like a Junior High drama...what I know on where you stand is coming from what others are telling me. I hate that, I can not deal with a middle man because I never trust people that much. People are supposed to tell you what you want to hear. So I would like it if you would just be blunt, just tell me what you think. But then again I do not want to know out of fear that you will not feel the same. I am so young in that way. But I really have never had a relationship...my love life has been full of emotional flings and drama...then pain. Never have a truly had a boyfriend. Well one in fifth grade but we never even held hands. So really there was no one. I am tired again and need cereal. But help me someone who reads this who knows who I am talking about and knows something more than I do.



Help me by lying. Tell me I am more than just another "cute" name.



Help me by telling me that someday I will have what I want, even if not with George...I am much too tired to wait any longer. Much too tired to wait for someone to be over someone else, I can not play second string. I can not play foot ball at all, but you know what I mean. I can not be second in someone's heart...I want to DATE him. I reallllllyyy do. We are such a good match.
11:58am: so sorry to you my heart
Sorry, I turned on my faith.


Sorry I fibbed, it was due to fear and loss...


I am true, and can not sit for long with something like that floating around.
12:12pm: here is the problem
Joseph is to Mary, as George is to Lynette.

I can not be the person someone wants or likes because the person they reeallly want can not be with them.

How do these situations follow me????


I hate that.
1:09pm: uhhhh
A pretty piece of flesh I am.
A pretty piece of flesh I am.
I will split you in two.







I am tired of your silence, I am not strong enough for the two of us. I am not even strong enough for myself. I am a pretty piece of flesh I am, a pretty piece of flesh I am.























I like this music, it cuts me up into two and then the two break up into little pieces and then I die. I am dead now, can you see me? No fancy words, no reason to impress, dead I am so smell my flesh. Ohhh ick that rhymed. Ick. No more of that kids.













"I'm kissing you.
The strong will never fall, but watching stars without you my soul cries.
...ohhh the aching...
Cause I'm kissing you.
Touch me deep, pure, and true.
Cause I'm kissing you."

Where are you my white knight? Can you come to save me please, I feel my soul settling for anyone but there can only be you. I only want you. Ride your horse to me, all I need is you. I deserve someone true and strong, whose heart has only and will only love me, made for me...my soul mate. My match of blood and soul, my lover forever. I'm kissing you with my eyes closed but your face is too far away from my touch. Where are you my love? Come to get me now, I can not stand the silence.


"I cry and I beg for you to love me."
1:31pm: the birds and to you I bestow
Well you better not see me when you come back.
I could be sharing' someone else's pillow.
And my love for you is better than diamonds,
to you, everything, I bestow.
And tomorrow I'll be dancing on my own,
and I'll need a kiss for my head that's aching'.
And I'll be a hungry dog without a bone,
hoping my place with you's not taken.

Kiss me and tell me it's not broken.
Kiss me and kiss me till I'm dead.
See, I'll give you the stars from the bruised evening sky
and a crown of jewels for your head, now,
for your head, now, for your head, now, for your head
one last night in bed for a time,
and two more wishes. And both are for thine.
And three guesses you’re the angel's child,
and four hopes this love's not spoiled

Kiss me and tell me it's not broken.
Kiss me and kiss me till I'm dead.
See, I'll give you the stars from the bruised evening sky
and a crown of jewels for your head, now,
For your head, now, for your head, now, for your head now
If you come back, I'll take you to the garden,
We'll dance to an orchestra on the lawn.
And we'll roll in the foggy dew
and dance with the ghosts upon the dawn. on the dawn, on the dawn

Then you'll kiss me and tell me it's not broken.
Kiss me and kiss me till I'm dead.
See, I'll give you the stars from the bruised evening sky
and a crown of jewels for your head, now,
for your head, now, for your head, now, for your head now
for your head, now, oh oh
1:32pm: well nothing
why do we speak of others when we are supposed to be with each other? To prove.



"I'll be waiting, with a gun and a pack of sandwichs...nothing"




I am tempted to go get ice cream, from Baskin Robbins. Someone call me to help me have fun and keep me from being her again. Let me be me for you. Let me smile with the shell.
Current Mood: lonely
1:42pm: It's always you and me always and forever.
Joseph kissed my neck once, my collar bone once.
Bread wanting boy kissed my cheek, tummy, neck, ear, head, and part of my lip when I turned away from his kiss.





The lips are just so close, so close to the face, so close to the heart, so close to the soul. No one has kissed my lips, I have never been kissed or french kissed, or anything like that. It is not that I am holding out...just that no one has tried that I wanted to kiss me. You know? I think the only thing I am waiting for, if in the back of my mind, is a boyfriend. I would love to kiss. I always wanted to kiss bread wanting boy while he was talking or doing something. I never did, but I would love to have a boyfriend because I want to have someone that I can call my own and kiss whenever I want. I want someone that I can have as mine. What do you think?
7:12pm: hell fire, fire fire fire fire.
I feel very lonely right here.
The TV is broken, but I can fix it.
The computer is on, and I have used it too much today.


"...I've been waiting on the light you bring. This is the thing that I've been waiting for, ...the night that I've been working towards...you're a beacon of love, you're a firefly, you're a beam from above and we fly by the night..." SIS







I am looking to weigh myself down with a boyfriend. I have you in mind. But, this goes out to all boys. You must like good music, or more...we must like the same music. No you can like what you like, scratch that...but you must also like the cure, the smiths, rolling stones, tom waits, the pixies, and others...view my interest page. We must have attraction, I must think you are cute and you must think I am cute. I would prefer it if you were not with someone else and not in love with someone else. And I would like it if you have some smarts. You do not have to be very intelligent. Just have some area where you bloom. You know? Like Jim, he is not very smart but he knows a lot about punk music and that is very attractive. Ohhhh you might like X, that would be nice, and the cranberries. I need someone who is terribly romantic...loves love. I need someone who would want to snog all the time. I want someone who would not mind if I kissed them around people or sang outloud...someone who would treat me like the loved me. Some effort, pursuit. I want someone who wants me. I just would like someone to take to the beach and the MOMA and the city and my arms. Get to me if you want me.















Oh and to all my little friends of Santa Rosa, call me at my dad's. I am soo bored. I have offered my companionship to many...but to everyone else...call 544-1377. I am really bored. I was going to go to a concert tonight but it was canceled so forget that. And I might go home Sat. so who wants me Friday? I am free all day and night. Unless I get a lot of offers I am going to go back home soon. So sad, so call me.










Take me aboard.

Pop my balloon.
Current Mood: bouncy
9:12pm: yikes
Bo Bo just left me, it is 9:10 pm, to go snog and shag some chick. Arghhhh!!!


I bored him with Pete and Pete and Clarissa Explains it all. But I guess since he stayed through that I will let him go. Some little chick called during Being Eve...some chick he had not seen in awhile. This "scared" him because she had never called him before. So what I am thinking is that it is some chick he snogged and now she is calling and they will snog again. Who knows. He could like me but I am not rushing for anything. I do not want to scare him and miss my little friend. Yeah so Bo Bo, out snogging while I am here.

But, he did bring me aspirin and band-aids. He walked all the way over here to bring them to me, and I only asked him once. He was like "okay". How nice is that? He is really nice, so refreshing.



So my day for tomorrow is free. I am going to go home Saturday morning I think, maybe work then go to the show at the Phoenix. I told Bo Bo I would. So, yeah.


I am going to go watch TV, and yeah.





Bad.
10:17pm: shargh
I'm dizzy, I'm dizzy and my headache is back.
But Bo Bo is out snogging some chick.
My dad's roommate was like "Is this Bo Bo guy supposed to be your boyfriend?" When I was whining about how Bo Bo was off snogging some chick. "No" I said. True that is but I want him to still be here so he can give me medicine. Michelle has some aspirin but it is not the same as Bo Bo aspirin that comes from his pocket.



Argh.
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