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divorced's Journal

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14th July 2002

9:22am: I a a ala
I am eating coco pebbles....the anti-cereal, pro-candy, breakfast.



Yummm...I can feel the sugar pulsating in my skin. Ick.



So this, and last night in my dreams, morning I felt a pulse of adoration for Frank. I do not know what it is. It is like with Joseph in the end, I hate em' but I like em' a lot. I mean, he is not that great on the outside. But the problem with me is that I see what is in the inside. The type of man they can be. And that gets me hooked. It stung worse when I sang Cranberries in the shower...the only boy I know who says they like them too. Swoon.


"Jim" likes, and knows all the words to, X. That is what is really cool. Because when I stop by and we listen to it he always sings the boys part and silently I am singing the lady part and it is like a duet that no one hears. Joy. I hope a nice girl snags that boy up.




It is almost ten in the morning and I get to go to a birthday party. Oh joy. Actually it may rock because I think my dad is leaving me at my grandparents when he leaves which would rock because I love them and I love their house. So, that is joy.



Okay new code name for a friend...Bob....Bob says ha ha things to me but lately I think he could be partly serious. Strange. I worry. I do not so much want strip from him.






You want ride, you want strip?





Bo Bo put on his hood and went into the bushes at the JC and was like "just a penny, a penny will do" and it freaked me out because he looked like a homeless person and he scared me. I knew it was him, but still.





This weekend is good music, in my home town, so I wont have to go anywhere far.










"Has it been taken, is my heart breakn'"




I love you.
6:23pm: long showers for the boys and love novels for the girls
Sex solves the trouble with school and family kids, just do it.



I only kid.





GUESS WHAT CONCERT I AM GOING TO?











DAVID FREAKING BOWIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!










I THINK I MIGHT PEE MY PANTS.
Current Mood: anxious
10:50pm: music to make sense of it all
Frank:


Via the Cranberries.

It makes me lonely
It makes me very lonely
When I see you here, waitin' on
It makes me tired, he makes me very tired
And inside of me, lingers on

But you have a heart
Don't believe it, and you will find it
Waitin' on
Everything I said, oh, well I meant it
And inside my head, holdin' on

'Cos if I died tonight
Would you hold my hand, no
Would you understand
And if I lived in spite
Would you still be here, no
Would you disappear

Surely must be you
But I don't make you lonely
I'll get over you
But I don't make you lonely



Joseph:


Via The Cure.



Kiss me kiss me kiss me
Your tongue is like poison
So swollen it fills up my mouth

Love me love me love me
You nail me to the floor
And push my guts all inside out

Get it out get it out get it out
Get your fucking voice
Out of my head

I never wanted this
I never wanted any of this
I wish you were dead
I wish you were dead

I never wanted any of this
I wish you were dead
Dead
Dead
Dead



And my favorite song of the moment:


Via Tom Waits.


I'll be clickin' by your house about two forty-five
Sidewalk sundae strawberry surprise,
I got a cherry popsicle right on time
A big stick, mamma, that'll blow your mind
Cause I'm the ice cream man, I'm a one-man band (yeah)
I'm the ice cream man, honey, I'll be good to you.
Baby, missed me in the alley, baby, don't you fret
Come back around and don't forget,
When you're tired and you're hungry and you want something cool,
Got something better than a swimming pool
Cause I'm the ice cream man, I'm a one-man band
I'm the ice cream man, honey, I'll be good to you.
Cause I'm the ice cream man, I'm a one-man band
I'm the ice cream man, honey, I'll be good to you.
See me coming, you ain't got no change
Don't worry baby, it can be arranged:
Show me you can smile, baby just for me
Fix you with a drumstick, I'll do it for free
Cause I'm the ice cream man, I'm a one-man band
I'm the ice cream man, honey, I'll be good to you.
Be good to you, be good to you,
Good to you yeah, good to you yeah, good to you yeah, good to you yeah,
Good to you yeah, good to you, I'll be good to you, I'll be good to you...
11:40pm: she fell into a pit
Words of a friend that make me blush and hope to be as lucky as the girl who grabbed him quickly enough (AKA the winner):



" Holy hell, whoever gets you is going to be so lucky…*growls* you know I’m protective of you, little Kaila. I think you should introduce boys to me first…and I have to make sure they're good enough for you because all of your sweetness and purity could get so messed up by a couple bad ones...because you're hot and you're so passionate about everything and you're terribly interesting. And you're going to get so carried away when a boy actually does give himself to you…you're so pure and unadulterated…you're sacred and I feel like you need to be protected…most boys don't know what to do with a girl like you…especially boys your age...i wouldn't have known, but god, i would've loved you…if i was a 16 year old right now and you would've given me a chance, i would've given you so much. So boys your age are capable of it…be patient"



I will trust my friend’s words and I will wait because someday someone that is meant for me will say those sweet things. And that is worth waiting for.
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