for some reason beyond me, I feel depressed.
Could be that I hurt my friend for no reason.
Could be that I like a boy that is never in one place.
Could be that I dig a kid who is not dig-able.
Could be that I can not trust many.
Could be that my brother annoys me but really just makes me sad because he is so selfish.
Could be that I am tired.
Could be that I am unbalanced.
Whatever it is, I am. I feel sad and I do not want to deal with that right now, I want to sleep or something.
At 6 I get control of the media again and I will watch Footloose and a Mary-Kate and Ashley show. It is my time. The boy on that show is a cutie pie.
Tomorrow I am going to Jessie Jeans, possibley alone. I am tired and am not sure if I want to go. I wish I was in Vegas.
Birthplace: Born in Santa Rosa.
Where You Live: Petaluma, CA.
Currently Listening to: The Cure and The Smiths…Pixies.
Favorite Books: The Stranger and White Oleander
Most Recently Read Book: Jemima J
Favorite Films: Willy Wonka, Flash Dance, Valley Girl, etc.
Favorite T.V Shows: Pete and Pete, Simpson’s, Law and Order SVU, and Trading Spaces
Spare Time Activities: Reading, writing, photography, seeing music, finding places that make me calm
Aspirations: To find my soul mate and spend my life without regrets.
Todd is drumming right now, his drums are so loud the house is shaking.
The house is having a BBQ and I am having Boca. I think that makes me a super nerd. The thought of the bread wanting boy makes my heart shake and my gametes dance, the thought of Frank makes my gametes dance, the thought of Grant makes my heart shake. What does that mean? Who knows. I do not care about anything like that anymore. It means nothing really, nothing really means anything. The only that really matters is love and everything that comes with it. Love is life. You find love, you hold onto it forever or else all is lost. I say life is meant to be lived for love, to live your life without any regrets. I am so tired now, tired for searching for this very thing. I think it is something you find within yourself, something you find in your own heart that one day matches someone else's. That is what I will get. I found that love, the one to live for, within my own heart. Now, I sit waiting, but I do not live waiting. I wait for the love that will find me, but I do not live my days doing nothing but searching. I am fine here alone in waiting. I am happy here with my own heart. I will find peace there. And someday, I will find joy within yours.
The kids want me to play. I can not peek because I am an adult, but the little babies can. I can not peek because I am older...oh wait now it is called the sneaky peek. I am so confused. We did fireworks and they made me depressed rather than happy. I see things as they are. Things that would all be better not alone. I suppose I am technically not alone but truly I am because I have a lone soul. I want to have a companion to share all I see with. You know? I keep thinking of these things I want to remember, things I want to remember about myself, that I need someone to be with me so they will know. I want someone to know all the little things about me, to remember...just in case I forget. Like how I feel like the white left over on the ground after a firework...it is just a memory of something great...great enough in memory for people to get joy from its image...so sad. I am now the memory of something good. I messed something up on the screen because I accidentally erased...now I am in trouble.