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divorced's Journal


1st July 2002

12:27pm: oh how i want the bread wanting boy
I got an email, take it it was a forward, from him today.
I am listening to the Cranberries.
They cause me to romanticize everything.
I miss him though, I really do.
I hope with all my heart he does not fall in love.
I do not want him to bring someone home.
Even if I can not, I want to be the one he brings home.

That was the only flaw.
I would have been the one he brought home.
The one he took to dinner; the one his mother loved.
I would be the one he would lay down next to.
And he knew that.
And I knew that.
And it is the worst thing I have ever seen.
Perfection with one flaw.

The truth is, one day it will not be a problem.
But I do not want an old man when I am young.
I want him now.
Not later.

"and there's no other place that I'd lay down my face"

I just want to run away with him because he is so awesome. I want to live with him because he is so awesome. There is nothing else. He is my friend and I love him as that. Trouble this time is.

My family is coming today and I do not want to go. For some reason I want to seduce them all with beauty, to corrupt them with music and passion. They are so shut out. I want to teach them.

I need to crack now, and then you can super glue me back together. How does that sound?

Na uh, uh huh.

Shit I miss that, those times when we were all so happy. I miss him. I miss the fun.
Current Mood: sad
12:37pm: I can sleep.
So lovely so lovely.
You're not the one.
I have decided to leave you forever...
Thunder and lightening wont change what I'm feeling.
And the daffodils look lovely today.
Look lovely.
11:54pm: trigger finger
pop my balloon.

I made a plan to be pretty.
I realized that I will see him in two days; I look not so good.

I really do not stick to anything.
I really do not get the right end of it.

I did it right for once and it was not right.
"Nasty to the bone, tonight we are going to break it." SIS

I am tired and have to sleep but can not because I am slave to my body and that is horrid.

"Last night I was your rocking chair but the sun came up now I don't know where you are."SIS.

"I don't mind a fast car just as long as I can get to where you are"SIS

I just wish I could set it back or make it work.

I want the life of mine to work out, I want to run away, I want to live.
Current Mood: annoyed
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