June 30th, 2002

ahhhhhh I feel sick.

Raise your hand if you think I am pretty.

No one? Okay, that's what I thought.

So I keep wavering about my hair. (what a great journal entry...all about hair...nice for a change)

I am not sure.
I want to cut it because it is so hot outside and it would be a nice change.
But I do not because my hair is so pretty.
But hair grows.
But I do not want to blend with everyone else.
I thought I would wait until I had a boy, then I would just do it...it would all depend.
That was when I was saying I would be vegan if my boy was vegan.
It all depends.
I am pretty lonely.
I am not sure what the deal is here.
It seems like everyone is lonely but everyone is looking, why is it that we can not just stick everyone together, then everyone will be happy. I could be happy.

All I want is someone who loves the cure as much as me, who is smart...preferabley likes Camus, and is nice and romantic and takes what they want, I do not want to play games...I am past that age. I also do not want to be alone. I just want someone to go do fun things with and kiss. You know? I do not ask for that much. Nothing in your life would change, the only thing new would be that you could kiss me whenever you pleased. Not so big is it?

Oh well, all in good time.
  • Current Music
    The Cure, what a silly question.

the devil will find work for idol hands to do

I do not get it.
I can not sit doing nothing here; I can not concentrate.
I have cabin fever but is not as if I want to go out.
I just can not stay in here now...alone.

I really want. I want catharsis, but I want catharsis with a boyfriend. I do not think that is so much to ask but I suppose it is. I really just want to meet someone who wants that too, wants it badly and is not afraid to take it.

I am worried about Jane, she is coming back tomorrow and I do not want to tell her that D. is not interested. It is the same thing as with Joseph and I, they both gave some physical and we both fell hard. I do not want her to think that here lust is love. I want to save her from the pain, but I do not know how to. It sucks, what to do...

I am so full of lust for love. I just can not sit here without it. I just can not.

I worry, I hope that Grant will have time to talk, seeing as he is so busy. He is not dateable, unless of course I could go on tour with them across the country. Har har. Which I can not. But what a catch he is, he is the object of so many people's lust. It makes me smile. I get to see him and touch him, and it does not phase me. I mean, I am excited to see him because he rocks and his band rocks, but I am not giddy because I am a fan. I just think he is superb. I am a fan of his, a personal friend/fan. Who knows, I just want to hit that. No, I want to marry that. He is silly. It is a nice thought. Since right now I am alone and amorous.

I do not know what to do or wear, it is in two days. ahhhhhhhhhhh.
  • Current Music
    The Smiths

oh let's do it now

I am so hot.
I am so hot.

I sit here in my room, with the house to myself, and I am so hot.
Not just hot as in temp. I am so amorous I think I will explode

I am listening to Portishead and I am hot.

I need someone here for catharsis.
These hormones are deadly.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can not survive this season alone. I need a boyfriend to call over in moments like this when I have a house to myself and a fan. That is when I really need a boyfriend. Someone to snog and take me to the MOMA. I need that now. I am so amorous!!!! AHHHHH!!!! Someone save me now.