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divorced's Journal

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22nd June 2002

12:15pm: da da da kill me my sweet, kill me
" Sometimes we would spend a night just rolling about on the floor, and I remember though it felt soft at the time I always used to wake up sore."-- --The Cure


I am so easily manipulated. I fall oh so easily. Due to the blend of my hormones and my heart ache of lonliness...I am taken by the slightest interest and softest touch. How often, not very, but I do fall hard when I fall. I mean, he barely talks to me but the way he goes about it makes me long for him like a fern to shade. I mean...he loves the Cure, loves them. That is so sexy you can not imagine. I would hope he could love me like a cure song, he might just. And he is snazzy, and beautiful and soft and comfy and tummy...and I can not have enough. But I have no idea what he thinks of me because he treats me no different than any other. I mean, he likes me, but how so? He is so popular with everyone and so busy. I do not know how to catch him and make him stick with me, he is bouncy. I want to have him, have him be mine. I think I might someday, if only. Oh, how I want him. I mean I just want to know if he is thinking catharsis or love...date I mean...or if he thinks at all about that. I think he just does what he pleases...you know? and I please at times. But please, how I do adore Frank.
Current Mood: bouncy
12:31pm: amorous.
I can not listen to Robert Smith anymore, but I can't not. It does not make me depressed anymore. It makes me so amorous. It makes me so amorous. "You want to know I hate you, well I'll try to explain. Remember that day in Paris when we wandered through the rain, we promised to each other that we would always stay the same..."--R.S. I can not resist someone anyone that loves the Cure as much as me. You can see it in his eyes, when you mention it...fire fire in his eyes. Pain in my gut, longing in my womb. I want him, dare I say need him. It is nice to feel a body closed in upon mine. But now, in its absence, I feel lonely and oh so amorous. I can not resist. I do adore, I do adore. I do dod doodododoododoodoodo. Make me, take me, break me, and lift me up again. I can not take this anymore. I said no doctor do not take me back again, I am through with it...this heart of mine, I need it no more. But you stuck it back in, you lustful man you, you stuck it back for yourself...I hate you for it. My heart works again, and it feels again, pain again. "I turn to look at you, to see my thoughts upon your face"R.S. "I hate these people staring, make them go away from here...boys I say how beautiful, how beautiful you are, boys I say how beautiful you glitter like a star....the way we are"R.S. "This is why I hate you, and how I understand....lost lovers"R.S.
6:19pm: in that grassy place
"There's a place where the grass doesn't grow, and the snow starts to nip at my toes. There's a place where the grass doesn't grow, and I'll take you there.
I found a blanket inside my bed, I lay upon the grassy place...come and join me.
I let you inside my head, come inside me and let us lay in that place where the grass doesn't grow, in that place where the grass doesn't grow. Oh oh oh oh."---The Gold Bikini.


In this state of amorousness, the right touch engulfs me, woos me. Just the slightest touch, takes me...sets me in this obsessive state. I can not get out of him, out of my mind I sit...waiting, waiting for him to touch me. It could have, theoretically, been anyone. Just the touch, I just needed the touch, and now I am taken.
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