June 12th, 2002

hey you

you stop that now.
get your foot off my heart.
you stop that now.
why do you poke at me when you do not want me?
you stop that now.
i have no room to lift you up.
you stop that now.
why should my love keep you full when it would not be returned?
you stop that now.
wanna watch me cry?

Last night I cried, I have not been able to cry for awhile.
Last night I made my mother cry, I have never seen it happen.
Last night I cut my arm, twice, with a pin...it did not hurt.
The strange thing is, I did not hate it...I only stopped because I did not want scars.
I am seriously broken.

I made it clear that I wanted you to fix me Kit.
You made it clear that you could not.
I understand that you feel un-loved by me.
But that is the one thing I did right.
I was able to save my heart by stopping it from loving you.
With that, I only had to make two cuts.
I know I would have not stopped if I had a heart broken twice.
So, if you want me then let me have you...but if you don't do not feel hurt.

At three I am going to meet the woman. I feel like such a good crazy girl...I made myself into such a statistic last night so I will make her proud...a young girl who is lonely, depressed, too soft-hearted, empathetic so much to a point of apathy, cuts...wont she be proud. Sick I make myself sick.

Do not worry.
I wont do it again I promise.
I do not lie.
I wont do it again.
  • Current Music
    The Cure