June 9th, 2002

worry wisps

I am worried, anxious...as I used to be.

I am probably nervous about testing. I have studied zero.

I am also worried, about Kit. Kit is happy but not...I worry. I miss.

Last night Jane and I went to Papa's Taverna to see Colin and harass him. A'rn was going to come but he could not. So the four of us made a date for Monday ...a picnic at Colin's...at you guessed it...3. So anyway...we eat and at the end of our meal we ask the woman if he even works there because we thought that we may have gone to the wrong one. She says yes he works downstairs with the music and belly-dancing! Downstairs????? COOOOOOLLLLL!!!!!! Too bad we had no idea there was a downstairs at all. We go down and our waiter loves us...and lets us just get coffee...bad coffee...but Jane drinks it black and it suffices. We can not stay long and the trainee that is working seats us in the cold corner so we can not harass Collie....which sucked...plus she kept checking him out which made me laugh and get nervous. yeah.

So bread-wanting boy, I made my mind that I do not mind if he is with anyone in Europe, and I do not mind if he kisses the flower...but I do NOT want him being with girls...here at least. I wish again that I had the status to make a request like that. I wish he was more like Joseph and could make moves...mind mind mind.

Joseph, I was so comfortable with seeing him before he left, then f.m. talked to me and now I feel weird and girlie in the fact that I love him...damn that I was so fine with everything and now I am bumming. I wish I was never depressed. It sucks...on top of the fact that it comes without reason, it is worse because I am lonely.

I missed Church this morning because I had no ride. I feel bad, and I really needed church today. I needed to hear Jay make my troubles make sense. Oh well...Tuesday then. I have to go to work. I love having to be in later so being able to take my time.

Grant is such a cutie I can not handle it.

He may be one of the most beautiful people that I have actually met in my life and I can not wait until July to see him...maybe ...nevermind. sigh.

  • Current Music
    The Clash


I met you.

I felt this dizzy. This sickness. This love.
Know you. no. know you. yes.
seconds. sick with you, sick with love, sick with joy that I had found my soul mate sick with this peace in my soul.

Then is passed. As it would.

It left as i tried to grab onto you and make you stay in your box. I struggled as if I had any place to have you.

You told me to delete you. If only I could only delete the end. The part where I can not have you. Where I am a number in your book

You have broken me. what do you expect me to do now?
who do you think i can be if not to be within you?
you are ill. yo made me this way. you made me fall.

with you there is no other. i forget them all. even now my mind is blank and i can only see you and you are blurred.

do you try to bewitch me? do you want me to need you so?

why do you love her? do you think that even upon my touch you would not love me?

i could never feel your touch and still love you with all my heart.

I could never know you but know that you are in me.

you made me speak this way by letting me dream of you. now i can not stop.

i empty my pages for you.

give me your heart and i will give you my all.

there will never ne another,
there is nothing here but you.

God save me now.

this is the last time I shall fall.

I am dead.

You have killed me.
You can save me now.

Save me now. Save me.

hear this: you are not to be forgotten.

do not forget.