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divorced's Journal

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6th June 2002

3:23pm: oh oh ohoh sdfknsdl
I, despite other's opinions, would recommend this Modest Mouse album for some tasteful songs placed in lightly within some forgettable ones. I actually like it.


I also would like to say that I adore White Strips...spastic jump and dance music...when you just wonder...hummm I wonder what that is about...daze. Brilliant.


I just know that wow...I am such...I love music more than anything...except water.


I mean if I could have one thing I would want water: you can drink it, you can swim in it, you can clean yourself with it, you need it to survive, and it makes a lovely noise.


But music, I think that I would die without music.


I also think that I could have been one of the first "emo" kids...in the truest sense that is. I was, the dreamer...in my own universe...poetic....listening to bands like The Cure and Kate Bush since I was like two. So, I have always been emotional. But, I guess I am not really the new "emo"....although I do own some glasses...but I require them.




So today at Jesus Club (yes that is what it is called) this man was talking about how sometimes people find it hard to witness to others because of two things: they feel like hypocrites because of their own sins, or because they do not feel prepared. i do not feel like a hypocrite because I do not think I am a big sinner in the more material sense...I do not drink, I have never done drugs, I have never had sex....I have never even kissed a boy before...and believe me this is a big deal...I am pretty old for that. My friend's little sister kissed someone and she is in 7th grade...and wow...I am ollllddd compared to her. But that does not bother me. I would like to kiss someone but now it is such a big deal for whatever reason and I think that I want to ask Joseph to kiss me, just because I know I would regret kissing anyone else...and therefore I would then be able to kiss boys over my summer...without it being wrong I guess...I do not know what I mean.


Oh, I remember now...I wanted to say that Joseph was right when he said I should start with something easier than Haiti for my first missionary trip...a girl in Haiti...I need more experience I think.





This is my second day without treats. I think I will live. But I never really knew what a big part of my life they were...every place I go I have a place to get candy. Weird. I even passed up a fortune cookie today. This song...#7...is so brill I can not handle it. It is almost Radiohead-esque I guess? It is great. Anyway...I just always do something all the way...like I feel like if I were to eat fish I would be cheating, a hypocrite...I never do something half way. So I could never eat that cookie. What a freak I am. Also, I know that I could never have done that whole "hook-up" thing in High-school because besides its gross mentality it is just half way. If I am going to be intimate with someone I am going to be with them in the most way possible. I want to make-love to my lover...not act out a porn. So, there I could never just be half way. So when my husband marries mme it is my first....and he will have all of me. My heart, my soul, my body. That is why I will wait.
Current Mood: complacent
10:00pm: oh my my my coinkidink
I was just looking at the shows this summer at the Phoenix...ohhhh sigh...it will be such an indie summer.



oh sigh sigh. i am excited. But sad too because i wont be able to share it with some people i love.


every time I see bread-wanting boy it is a coincidence or some sort of fate run-in. The first time after I met him was that time when I was thinking and talking about him at like 10 pm in the grocery store and poof there he was. The second time was when I saw him from across the street after talking about him...but I did not get there in time. And then, when I was thinking he was avoiding me...and I had two seconds earlier said that he had my # so if he wanted to he would call to my mom, I check the answering machine and poof just some man reading off a #....The bread-wanting boy. And poof...he was not avoiding me he was away...and poof wow.
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