June 2nd, 2002

my man

My love for you is like the ocean. Never ceasing. But oh so violent when the winds come to blow...fierce. My love for you is passionate and warming...but cold it comes to cut through you like a blade of glass. My love for you is true and real, you can touch it, taste it, see it. I am for you, always and forever. Even if you are not for me.

Today in church, God showed me my future, the one he has planned for me. He showed me married to Joseph (Lord, how I wish I could just say his real name...it means nothing when I call him that) and us as missionaries. Wow, that was funny to me because he thinks that he is supposed to marry Mary and I think that she thinks she is supposed to marry him. I think that God must be mistaken, or confused, or just...hmmm...I do not know. Paul thinks that he is supposed to be with someone else...and we could never work when his heart is for her...so I think God must be confused. I mean, when I met him I thought he was the one for me to marry...and I would love for him to be my future, but really I do not see it possible. I prayed for him before and I was broken...maybe I should just pray for him to see. I mean, I think God wants me to live my life and not to worry about it...his will. But the funny thing is that is what Paul and Mary keep saying about themselves and their relationship...so where am I???? I am always confused here with what God says.

Argh...pray for me.
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