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divorced's Journal

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15th May 2002

8:07am: argh argh argh
oh before I forget...Petre thanks for those CDs actually I love them all too much...this morning I listened to the VT and now I feel rather down..but it was good tunes. :-)

So time to vent:

So the Switch last night...rocked...my socks...free ice-cream thanks to Matt and lots of good praising...I swear they are getting better each week and they really rock now. Suprise suprise Kaila's good band curse still works.

So yeah...argh.

so VT on Thursday...will be fun...I suppose.


So yeah. Joseph.

Anywho...so I said I would burst right? Almost that...he did not kiss me...argh. Good bye as usual yes, but no kiss and I think ...hmm...so yeah I do not know what I think. I think it sucks but also yeah I did not really think it was the right time but really I need to tell him that he needs to just kiss me.

I mean I delayed him...hopefully he did not miss his ride...when I was escorted home...and yeah we did the hug thing...yeah that thing is bad because it makes my gametes tingle...anywho...so yeah we do the fake fighting near this spooky church...and he brings me down...now I know that kissing me here would be way too movie-esque in a bad way but still....sitting on me...as I am down in the grass...wow it sounds rather kinky said in words but yeah...I would have thought yeah. So I do not know if he is just being mature and not kissing me until he would be able to give...blah blah..or if he really does not want to. Either way this sucks and yeah right when I will have time to just be free and be over the summer he will be leaving and that sucks so much...har har. Anywho again...yeah...so yeah...I do not know...I do know that he is incredibley argh...well all you kids do not get caught up in my words...remember that yes I am the mary of this generation...never-been kissed kid...swoon...oh yes I have swooned it is my nature but still...what may seem risque obviously was not because he still did not kiss me...yeah...and the fact that he thinks I lie bothers me to crumbs...seriously what is that about? I know...he thinks that what he sees is not the real me, I want him to know I am not pretending...I have not had this relationship with God always...so since I have it now he probably thinks I am pretending for him or whatever but that is not it at all...this is not about him for now...it is about me and God and it bothers me that everyone wont just let me be me. Argh.

Argh.
Current Mood: aggravated
1:35pm: hohum take me away from here
I feel so movie like lately...wanting someone to "take me away from here" I sound like the average character for a girl my age...and... I mean last night and that whole situation and the way it went and how yeah...if he had kissed me then it would have been horribley movie scene-esque. But yeah...right now in Math we are watching Episode one of Star Wars and I still do not like it at all...dont get me wrong, I am a total dork...I love all of the other star wars films...and again when they came back into the theaters for like a day in Marin and waited all morning to see them...and yes I have played Dungeons and Dragons and spend my time searching for my Dungeon Master...and yes...I have been to a trekie convention...played risk...all that lovelyness...so it is not that I am not a dork enough for it, it is just that this one sucks/ed. But I pray that this one...episode 2...will rock, I think it will...Yoda fights...yes he does....SWOON...oh Georgey thanks for that.


Yeah, I am so not in the mood to write because then I would have to confront all of my problems of the day.


K.
Current Mood: sleepy
3:26pm: Does anyone here have the new Velvet Teen cd???????



Number 9 makes me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It makes me want to do everything all at once....break a law...kiss someone much longer than I should.....it makes me crazy...I can not wait till tomorrow night when I can force them to play it...oh repeat I must hear it again....shocker....I am overplaying music again....thank goodness I can not get sick of the smiths or the pixies because lordy I would be sick of them if I could.....








AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IT is sweetness








And yeah...P. I just wanted you to know that I love you even though you wont see this ever...I love you.

K.
4:25pm: hear me here hear me now
let me tell you a story: once upon a time there was a beautiful princess that no one could see...she sat in her tower and screamed out...she screamed so loudly...but no one could hear her...the people...they walked around her with their ears closed tight...their eyes shut...they could not...would not see her...one day...she saw a boy...a man...a prince...he could see some of her...her outside...and he liked what he saw...and he grew happy with what she had...but part of him was not in her and he wanted someone that had it...then the princess had that something and the prince was upset...he could not trust her...she lied...but the truth was....the princess had the part deep inside her where the prince could not see...inside her too deep for him to touch. that is why it could not be.


you...you could be my prince if only you would believe what I showed you was true...I swear to you that what I say may vary but what is in my heart will not change...he is apart of me now...I chose that...not you...I love him...I do...but not because you do....not because I love you...I do not change for you...I change for me...but believe what you see because you are the only one I am trying to let in here...the one I am trying to let see...see me...believe it because it is the only thing true. That and that I think I love you. But take that...and do not toss it away. I would not could not lie to you.


K.


this one was for me.
Current Mood: thirsty
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