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divorced's Journal

History

5th May 2002

10:08am: steal this kiss away
</p>

which song of staywhatyouare are you? find
out
!




I suddenly feel like the other woman. Everything is washed away but I can not let go. I love him now and everything has hit the fan. Everything. That is what happens. I tried not to, I swear I did. But the Lord did not help, when I prayed I felt like God wanted me to be with him...maybe that was just me but I still do not know. I can not handle this...I am going to church soon maybe that will help. But everytime I check my mail and it is empty all hope is gone. I read her thoughts, her feelings and it hurts me but I go back for more. I am not trying to learn...it is just too hard...to read what the woman he loves feels. I just want to scream out LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME. Do not hurt me my love, I love you too much...please...let us be. What would he say? I do not want to lead you on, I do not want you to get hurt...bla bla fucking bla. Whatever....he just brings out the darkness of my heart that is left from before because I am so sad. It hurts. Lord it hurts....save me save me save me. Someone save me....or just let me have him.
Current Mood: sad
1:46pm: now i know how joan of arc felt
I feel like I am scrambling to grab a piece of you. Just a piece to hold and have and remember. But it is too late because you are already gone from me. I have none. My heart will break until the day I die. You left me when I met you. I tied to save you—have you. But I could not and now I still can not let go no matter if I should. I just can not. I saw a beauty too wonderful to forget now only God can save me. My heart is done. All is gone. But still, ask me to wait. Tell me to stay. Want me. Love me. Just ask me. Please. You know how I know he does not? Love me that is…care that is…he makes not effort—no response to have me, my heart. He does—never wanted it. I knew—he told me.
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