January 6th, 2002

le senio de pitoto

jaque que le isto fuineo le istudiasaten pue le isntantio le titio.

that is a sample of my new language. te listoio? i saw amelie today, the film, as most films do, transformed me. and my world, into a wonderful place of magic. my murmurs are silenced my insistance unprovoked. my life, blank and a new. listfully i wonder how so this life of a character is as i wish mine to one day be, how her feelings are my feelings, how i envy all that she gains and my world is instantly able to become how i wish it to be.

if you notice a silence amoungst me, that would be on my will. i need not to gibber-gabber when i say things that i mean not to. i am not a talking type, i enjoy long silence and yet am forced to fear them by my own competence of change. i am a many a woman, yet as myself all the others are blown away. my personas are not needed any more to break ice. i am as i am and i am not sure if what and who i am with at this time is good for me. understandablely though, i am frightened to send them away. tell them that they are not me and i can not be when they are there. i will be me and if they decided they do not like that state then i shall simply be as i was, lone walking, but reading and imagining. happy.

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